What. a. weekend.
I started the weekend thinking it was definitely going to be one of the best yet this semester, but it's Sunday night and I find myself particularly discouraged with how things ended up going. It's funny how that happens, and if it wasn't the first time I'd felt bad in about four months, I think I'd be a lot more frustrated right now. As of the moment, I just feel exhausted and disappointed that the weekend couldn't have gone more as expected and had to take more than one turn for the worse:)--beginning with early Friday evening.
I received one of those discouraging phone calls from a person who usually has little good to say to me to my face. This time was no different, but I haven't received one of those for a long time, and so I was actually in an okay mood to deal with it. I just pretty much brushed over the conversation where I was told I was ridiculous for wasting more time and money this year on a degree that I'm already half done with and see no point in dropping just because I may not use it after this. I don't see it as wasting anything--as stressful as all my work has been this semester, I love this town, I love the people here, and I love my friends. School and education have been my life since I can remember, and I seriously think if I could go to school for the rest of my life, I would. But I also realize that isn't particularly pragmatic, so I'm settling on the goals that those of you as my friends already know about. I do not, however, need to be told what to do. The degree is half completed, it's something that I could definitely always fall back on, and as of now, the earliest I could even go to law school is the Fall of '08 because the last LSAT you can take to get in for the Fall of '07 was this past Saturday. So...I feel like I'm just keeping my options open.
Then, I was extremely excited to go out because it was the first time I was actually going to be able to go out with the new roomie and her friends. We always seem to be going out at different times and with different people, so I thought this would be great. However, one of the friends was someone I barely knew (who is also awesome, by the way), but as we got to talking, I found out a fantastic piece of information. While I was definitely aware of the fact that my ex wasn't the nicest guy, and while I knew about some of the things that he had done, I didn't know all of them. Apparently, not only did he cheat on me (and I had been aware of some of it), but he cheated on me a lot, and when he wasn't cheating on me, he was trying really hard to--with people I know, and some people I was just meeting for the first time. So, while I wasn't surprised, I felt pretty embarrassed for ever liking the guy in the first place. I was a little miffed (good word choice, Ashley) because when I finally broke it off with him, I didn't speak to him for months until he called and asked me to forgive him and try being his friend...but he only apologized for the things I knew about--and still tried to deny even those. We've talked only a few times since, but when I heard what I heard on Friday, I knew I was cutting him out permanently. It's actually a relief to do that, I'm glad he made it that much easier for me, and I'm more annoyed at myself for ever being in the situation in the first place. I think it's normal to be a little irritated about that--wouldn't anyone be a little put off by the fact that they were cheated on and lied to so much but kind of knew about it and didn't get out sooner? I think it mostly just isn't right that someone can disrespect you so entirely. It's just kind of sad that people do that to each other, isn't it? So anyway, I officially said goodbye to someone in my life...and that's only happened to me once before. I guess we learn from our mistakes...sometimes. :)
Anyway, the rest of Friday night was mostly good, but it probably would have been a hell of a lot more enjoyable if I was feeling like myself. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't upset (because last year if something like this had happened, I probably would have just gone home--likely crying), but I wasn't completely myself either. So I had a really good time with my friends and with the crazy people downtown:) (and I heart all you beer band people...particularly you, Anne), and my friend Heny's wife had a baby that night, so that was definitely exciting. There were some good points to the evening, for sure.
And then Saturday. I wasn't feeling particularly well and somehow managed to sleep almost all day--I couldn't muster the energy to get up. In fact, I think I was up for a total of 3 hours between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. For those of you who know me well enough (especially those of you who lived with me), you know that this is not at all normal for me. And I had a lot of work I had to get done, but even the fear of not getting it completed was unable to keep me awake. It was pretty ridiculous, and I had to force myself to get up at 6:00. I got nothing accomplished and started to let myself get stressed about that. I have more to do this semester than I can ever remember having to do in the past, and I get very little sleep and still feel like I'm behind. It's all stuff I can handle, I just wish I had more time to get it all done because I want to do my best in all of it. I'm working so hard to read everything that's assigned because even though I may not use this degree in the future, for some reason it's making me want to work that much harder at it--I love it, but I'll admit I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. When I don't get something done on Saturday (as happened this weekend), I feel just a little disappointed in myself...
Then I watched the Hawks get slaughtered. Wow, that was a bad game. I did get to watch it with some fun people, but there also was a not-so-good moment then, too...No details on this one, I'm just going to say I don't like it when people do things they think are funny without thinking about what consequences they might have for other people, or that they might just be offensive to someone. It might not have been a big deal to that person or anyone else, but the action was kind of thoughtless, and that's what bothered me.
The rest of the evening was fun--definitely more drunken times downtown when I probably should have been studying, but I just needed to get out of the apartment. Of course, I had a hangover today, but that was cured with some good old Hu Hott with the girls, where I did just about laugh so hard I cried. I did have a good time with them:)
I still didn't get anything done today, though, and now it's almost 11:00 and I'm going to have to figure out what to do for my kids tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to create lessons that will actually help them:) It IS the highlight of my day because they love being there, and that makes it worth every minute. If you ever have the chance to make a kid smile every day--for any reason--just do it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes you feel better than knowing you've made their day a little better. I just hope that they'll actually benefit from my help, because I certainly put just as much time into that as I do into my work for classes.
All right, that's all for now. But thanks for reading my rant. I actually feel a lot better just having expressed the thoughts going through my crazy-stressed mind, and I know that if I wasn't so overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to get done in the next few weeks, I probably wouldn't even be remotely frustrated by any of this. Anyway, I'll leave with a few quotes that I came across today that made me smile:)
"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts." ~Last Kiss
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou
posted by Glam Gidget @ 10:10 PM
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