What. a. weekend.
I started the weekend thinking it was definitely going to be one of the best yet this semester, but it's Sunday night and I find myself particularly discouraged with how things ended up going. It's funny how that happens, and if it wasn't the first time I'd felt bad in about four months, I think I'd be a lot more frustrated right now. As of the moment, I just feel exhausted and disappointed that the weekend couldn't have gone more as expected and had to take more than one turn for the worse:)--beginning with early Friday evening.
I received one of those discouraging phone calls from a person who usually has little good to say to me to my face. This time was no different, but I haven't received one of those for a long time, and so I was actually in an okay mood to deal with it. I just pretty much brushed over the conversation where I was told I was ridiculous for wasting more time and money this year on a degree that I'm already half done with and see no point in dropping just because I may not use it after this. I don't see it as wasting anything--as stressful as all my work has been this semester, I love this town, I love the people here, and I love my friends. School and education have been my life since I can remember, and I seriously think if I could go to school for the rest of my life, I would. But I also realize that isn't particularly pragmatic, so I'm settling on the goals that those of you as my friends already know about. I do not, however, need to be told what to do. The degree is half completed, it's something that I could definitely always fall back on, and as of now, the earliest I could even go to law school is the Fall of '08 because the last LSAT you can take to get in for the Fall of '07 was this past Saturday. So...I feel like I'm just keeping my options open.
Then, I was extremely excited to go out because it was the first time I was actually going to be able to go out with the new roomie and her friends. We always seem to be going out at different times and with different people, so I thought this would be great. However, one of the friends was someone I barely knew (who is also awesome, by the way), but as we got to talking, I found out a fantastic piece of information. While I was definitely aware of the fact that my ex wasn't the nicest guy, and while I knew about some of the things that he had done, I didn't know all of them. Apparently, not only did he cheat on me (and I had been aware of some of it), but he cheated on me a lot, and when he wasn't cheating on me, he was trying really hard to--with people I know, and some people I was just meeting for the first time. So, while I wasn't surprised, I felt pretty embarrassed for ever liking the guy in the first place. I was a little miffed (good word choice, Ashley) because when I finally broke it off with him, I didn't speak to him for months until he called and asked me to forgive him and try being his friend...but he only apologized for the things I knew about--and still tried to deny even those. We've talked only a few times since, but when I heard what I heard on Friday, I knew I was cutting him out permanently. It's actually a relief to do that, I'm glad he made it that much easier for me, and I'm more annoyed at myself for ever being in the situation in the first place. I think it's normal to be a little irritated about that--wouldn't anyone be a little put off by the fact that they were cheated on and lied to so much but kind of knew about it and didn't get out sooner? I think it mostly just isn't right that someone can disrespect you so entirely. It's just kind of sad that people do that to each other, isn't it? So anyway, I officially said goodbye to someone in my life...and that's only happened to me once before. I guess we learn from our mistakes...sometimes. :)
Anyway, the rest of Friday night was mostly good, but it probably would have been a hell of a lot more enjoyable if I was feeling like myself. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't upset (because last year if something like this had happened, I probably would have just gone home--likely crying), but I wasn't completely myself either. So I had a really good time with my friends and with the crazy people downtown:) (and I heart all you beer band people...particularly you, Anne), and my friend Heny's wife had a baby that night, so that was definitely exciting. There were some good points to the evening, for sure.
And then Saturday. I wasn't feeling particularly well and somehow managed to sleep almost all day--I couldn't muster the energy to get up. In fact, I think I was up for a total of 3 hours between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. For those of you who know me well enough (especially those of you who lived with me), you know that this is not at all normal for me. And I had a lot of work I had to get done, but even the fear of not getting it completed was unable to keep me awake. It was pretty ridiculous, and I had to force myself to get up at 6:00. I got nothing accomplished and started to let myself get stressed about that. I have more to do this semester than I can ever remember having to do in the past, and I get very little sleep and still feel like I'm behind. It's all stuff I can handle, I just wish I had more time to get it all done because I want to do my best in all of it. I'm working so hard to read everything that's assigned because even though I may not use this degree in the future, for some reason it's making me want to work that much harder at it--I love it, but I'll admit I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. When I don't get something done on Saturday (as happened this weekend), I feel just a little disappointed in myself...
Then I watched the Hawks get slaughtered. Wow, that was a bad game. I did get to watch it with some fun people, but there also was a not-so-good moment then, too...No details on this one, I'm just going to say I don't like it when people do things they think are funny without thinking about what consequences they might have for other people, or that they might just be offensive to someone. It might not have been a big deal to that person or anyone else, but the action was kind of thoughtless, and that's what bothered me.
The rest of the evening was fun--definitely more drunken times downtown when I probably should have been studying, but I just needed to get out of the apartment. Of course, I had a hangover today, but that was cured with some good old Hu Hott with the girls, where I did just about laugh so hard I cried. I did have a good time with them:)
I still didn't get anything done today, though, and now it's almost 11:00 and I'm going to have to figure out what to do for my kids tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to create lessons that will actually help them:) It IS the highlight of my day because they love being there, and that makes it worth every minute. If you ever have the chance to make a kid smile every day--for any reason--just do it. Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes you feel better than knowing you've made their day a little better. I just hope that they'll actually benefit from my help, because I certainly put just as much time into that as I do into my work for classes.
All right, that's all for now. But thanks for reading my rant. I actually feel a lot better just having expressed the thoughts going through my crazy-stressed mind, and I know that if I wasn't so overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to get done in the next few weeks, I probably wouldn't even be remotely frustrated by any of this. Anyway, I'll leave with a few quotes that I came across today that made me smile:)
"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts." ~Last Kiss
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou
I heart Maya Angelou. To all my friends, I only have love for you all. Thanks for being around to listen (or read), and if I seem a little stressed this week, know that it's all Ed Psych's fault:) I'm already smiling, though, so that's a good start:)
One of the many reasons we don't see eye to eye...
I was cleaning out my hotmail account today when I decided to actually read one of the forwards my mother sent me earlier this summer...I generally avoid such email because they're usually worthless--surveys, gimics, chain letters, etc.--you know how it goes. I don't know why I chose to open this one, but it was titled "history test," and all I could think was--WTF? How unlike my mother to forward something like that...Then I opened it and saw it wasn't a history test, it was a "history" test, and I was reminded of why my parents despise the fact that they have a very liberal daughter...Here's what it entailed.
The email asked me to "Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the following multiple choice test. The events are actual events from history. They actually happened! Do you remember?
(For one, don't get me started on the fact that whoever this is has already annoyed me with the pedantic, patronizing tone that assumes readers have the intellectual capacity of five year olds...not to mention that it's a bit redundant)
Then it starts off with a series of questions like this:
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by:
a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
And by this time, I'm again thinking, WTF?? What kind of smart ass test is this? And then there's d:
d. a Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.
Oh fantastic. It's one of those emails. Next question:
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were killed and massacred by:
a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
First of all, let's ignore the over-the-top options that are constructed in a horribly offensive manner--pitting absolutely ridiculous and generally impossible options against the only answer that is left. Let's figure out what the "point" of this email is:
Nope, ......I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling. Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other dunder-headed attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel doubly ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense. As the writer of the award winning story "Forrest Gump" so aptly put it, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Come on people wake up!!! Keep this going. Pass it on to everyone in your address book. Our Country and our troops need our support.
P. S. And guess who just bombed London?
Oh, "clever." Particularly the ending. This person's "skills" at arguing are just amazing--or rather appalling. Consider the following--how many extremists/terrorists/murderers do we have of every nationality in this world? I can think of a few very scary figures who are definitely not Muslim. (Ted Kazinski, Charles Manson, Timothy McVeigh???) This email makes it sound as though every terrorist is Muslim and every Muslim is a terrorist. That's not even the whole point, though. The email has already effectively proven itself ignorant. We can't just start searching and humiliating every Muslim or person of Middle Eastern descent that tries to get on an airplane--or go anywhere for that matter. As a country, we tend to throw the baby out with the bathwater (if I have to argue in trite cliches like the author of the email).--Take the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II or McCarthyism as examples of how we tend to overreact to events in the heat of the moment. A few people who have strong beliefs about something do not stand as a representative of the whole--and the whole should not be punished for what those others do. And they shouldn't just "accept it." That's ridiculous. YES, we should take precautions, and YES, we should be thorough--but for everyone. No one should be trusted OR distrusted based on nationality, religious beliefs, heritage, culture, skin color, etc...If we're going to have added security, fine. At least we'll know we're safe. But profiling in a democratic society is just wrong. I’m not the least bit offended by being searched at airports or having to open my bags for people—they’re doing their jobs and it actually makes me happy to see they aren’t just letting anyone slip by. I know I’m not doing anything wrong—so why do I care? If they search everyone that closely, than I can rest assured that I am as safe as they can make me. A few minutes of my time is well worth the human rights that would be sacrificed by selectively searching more extensively my fellow passengers.
I really wish I would stop receiving these emails.....It makes me sad to know my parents and others think this is a well-argued, rational email. I could say a great deal more about it, I could be a lot more formal in my argument, but for the time being I'm just venting in response to something I read. Had I been the one to instigate this discussion, I certainly would have gone about defending my view in a more efficient manner than the creator of this email.
Ah...Summer
I realized a couple things this summer:
1. I don't need a boy to make my life complete. (Not that I wasn't aware of this before, but the understanding achieved new clarity and is therefore noteworthy:)
2. New experiences and new people reveal different aspects of your personality. They make you realize that even
you don't know everything about yourself yet.
3. First impressions are sometimes far from correct.
4. Working with kids can be the greatest stress relief.
5. Life can change without warning. You can be certain about something one minute and change your mind the next. As Emerson once wrote, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.....Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today."
A lot happened this summer. I met a very diverse group of people, worked with great kids every day, had little time to myself, and made a very important decision. When I finish my MAT degree in Dec '07, I will no longer begin looking for a job as a teacher. Instead, I will be awaiting responses from various law schools to which I plan on applying. I'm scared--terrified, actually. But I'm excited about it at the same time--I love new things, and I thrive on change. My instinct tells me that this will be good for me, and it will make me happy in the end.
Four months ago, my life was completely different...and this upcoming year was looking much less exciting than it is now. The tornado hit and for the five weeks following that, my life was going downhill. Let's just say there was a severe lack of good karma. Slowly, everything worked itself out--in fact, the manner in which things worked themselves out really made it seem like things really do happen for a reason. Now I'm happier, I've returned to the self I haven't been for nearly two years, and I'm ready to focus on myself for awhile. I spent a little too much time putting my wants on the back burner the past two years, and it's time I gave them at least a bit of my attention:)
So there's my update for the summer. Let's hope I post more in the future. I'll relieve some stress as I prepare for the LSAT, I'm sure...
Oh, Harry...
I swear, I'm not obsessed...but I couldn't help thinking this was awesome:)
http://www.hpana.com/news.19200.html
Long Time, No Post -- But I have excuses.....
I believe it was Robert Frost who said "April is the cruelest month." He wasn't kidding. I was just speculating a few weeks ago that I have
never had an enjoyable April since coming to college. At least that I can remember. I'm not sure what happened freshman year, but three years ago I was smack dab in the middle of a very emotional (and legal) battle. Two years ago I was pretty much breaking up with someone. Last year the same damn thing happened. This year, it happened again. Add to that the fact that I still have no job for the summer, I have no money, my mom had surgery, my great grandma died this semester, and I've been constantly sick since January (with a few breaks), and you could easily say I should be ready to break down right now. Sitting on the porch last Thursday night, I pretty much said, "I feel a little suicidal right now." Obviously, I was exaggerating slightly...and then the tornado hit. Not metaphorically, either. A damn tornado hit. Destroyed our road. One minute, I'm thinking my life is over. Next minute, I realize that the minute before was actually pretty damn good.
So for those of you who are my friends and haven't really heard from me, my situation is this. For now, I'm homeless. I'm living on the generosity of anyone willing to help--and luckily enough for me, I've had a few good friends who have actually stepped up. Thank you to those of you who have. I even have a friend taking care of my cat illegally. Thank goodness a little bit of the "spaz" in Tonks has taken a sedative for the time being, or she'd be even more of a handful.
Currently, I'm trying to get a job with the Upward Bound Project. They work with underpriviledged high school students during the summer, tutoring them in English, Math, and Science. I'd be a Resident Mentor in the dorms and would help coordinate activities and keep those kids in line. It would be
so great if I could get this position, but I have to do a group interview first. Ahh! I hate group interviews:( Wish me luck!
Oscars!!
Two weeks to go before the Oscars!
Nominations seen:
Batman Begins
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
March of the Penguins
Match Point
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride and Prejudice
Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith
War of the Worlds
Yet to see:
Good Night, and Good Luck
A History of Violence
Hustle & Flow
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Munich
The New World
North Country
The Squid and the Whale
Syriana
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
Transamerica
Tsotsi
Walk the Line
I would just like to add that I've really started to enjoy going to movies by myself. I'm kind of a loser like that, not gonna lie. I'd never gone to one by myself until about two weeks ago, and since then, I've been to four--all Oscar nominees, of course:)
The only question is--of the remaining movies, which do I see first? I'm thinking
Good Night, and Good Luck,
Syriana,
A History of Violence,
Munich, and
North Country, but seriously, they all look pretty good. What the hell was I thinking when I made the claim a few months ago that no good movies have come out this year?
And thank GOD someone cool is hosting this year.
Check out Kate's blog for her movie list:) :
http://idleaudience.com/blog/?p=128
Harry Potter Addiction
I never tire of anything related to Harry Potter.....
You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When.....You make a wand and try to use it.
You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.
You wear robes to school or work.
You make "floo powder," get into the fire, and try to go to your friend's house.
You have read all the books more than four times.
You've been at the bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.
...And then you stayed up all night reading it.
You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.
You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.
You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.
You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.
You are upset at the New York Times for creating a separate children's bestseller list because of the Harry Potter books.
Using clues in the books, you have tried to find the exact geographical location of Hogwarts.
You have constructed a timeline of events in the Harry Potter books.
You have attempted to figure out the exact ages of all the Weasley children.
You have spent time contemplating which main characters will die by the time the series is over.
You've been to see all the Harry Potter movies on opening night. (Bonus points for standing in line in costume!)
You've read Harry Potter fanfic.
You've written Harry Potter fanfic.
You run a Harry Potter fansite.
You visit the Leaky Cauldron daily.
You've met other Harry Potter fans from online in real life.
You've participated in a Harry Potter RPG.
You've dreamed about Harry Potter.
You have a Harry Potter poster on your wall.
Each Halloween, there's no question what you'll dress up as...!
You've spent time doing a timeline to see if you would have been old enough to date a certain character when you were in high school.
You've vacationed to London, simply to search for the Leaky Cauldron.
You own a black lab named Sirius Black.
You've knitted a Weasley sweater or Harry Potter scarf.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Harry Potter.
Okay, thanks to Bloggerthings for the actual list.....stupid thing wouldn't actually post in my blog without having issues.
Can we add, "You've had your friend PhotoShop a picture of you with the Harry Potter characters so it looks like you, too, are a student at Hogwarts?"
By the way, Dumbledore IS really dead and Snape IS NOT a bad guy. That is all.
What Every Woman Should Do Once
My friend Megan bought me this little book by Claudine Gandolifi for my birthday last year...it's cute:)
How many of these things have
you done?
1. Make up an alias.
2. Skinny dip.
3. Insist on being called "Your Majesty."
4. Sleep out under the stars.
5. Start with dessert.
6. Be a diva for a night at a karaoke bar
7. Act out a page of the Kama Sutra.
8. Call in sick and spend a whole day shopping with your best friend.
9. Own something leather, besides a coat or gloves
10. Date a guy you met on the Internet.
11. Give someone famous your autograph.
12. Write your acceptance speech for your "Woman of the Year" award.
13. Dye your hair blonde and see if they really do have more fun.
14. Rent a convertible and go where the wind blows.
15. Have an anonymous encounter.
16. Adopt a pet.
17. Go commando.
18. Dance on top of a bar.
19. Forget about what your mother would think.
20. Try on engagement rings, even if you're not in a relationship.
21. Ask a man out.
22. Buy a really racy piece of lingerie.
23. Invest in a high risk stock.
24. Send yourself a dozen roses.
25. Audition for a Broadway musical or a TV Reality Show.
26. Go skydiving.
27. Bet it all on black in Vegas--and let it ride.
28. Go on a carriage ride through Central Park.
29. Be the boss.
30. Try on very expensive clothes in a boutique that you know you can't afford.
31. Invent an interesting past.
32. Talk in a foreign accent all day.
33. Write a scathing letter to the Editor.
34. Buy a round for everyone in the bar.
35. Smoke a cigar.
36. Run for a worthy cause.
37. Pamper yourself at an all day spa.
38. Have a three martini lunch and go back to work refreshed.
39. Create your own holiday and celebrate it every year.
40. Go without electricity for a night.
41. Wear fake eyelashes and send him come hither looks.
42. Make a voodoo doll of your ex.
43. Learn to tango.
44. Pretend you're a food critic at a trendy restaurant.
45. Make snow angels.
46. Blame everything on your evil twin.
47. Eat fast food all day.
48. Hire a personal shopper.
49. Wear a feather boa and movie star glasses to the grocery store.
50. Borrow a motorcycle and take the driver's seat.
51. Invest in a piece of art.
52. Flirt your way through a traffic jam.
53. Try an extreme sport.
54. Taste every variety of margarita.
55. Kiss a guy from every state.
56. Throw a silk pajama party and greet guests with a glass of champagne.
57. Go on two dates in one night.
58. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
59. Take the credit, and the compliments, and say thanks!
60. Send a thank you letter to a mentor.
61. Tell a man you love him, first.
62. Resist saying, "I told you so," even when you're right.
63. Head to the airport and fly-anywhere.
64. Ask your boyfriend to paint your toenails in exchange for the remote.
65. Remember the a la mode.
